How to Screen Refugees from Banned Countries

President Trump has banned refugees from seven countries. Those countries are: Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen. Last year, a total of 43,259 refugees came to the USA. Vetting all the refugees is a long and laborious process. First the UN screens them and refers the most vulnerable cases to the US for resettlement. If someone has committed a crime, that person doesn’t qualify for resettlement. Then the US does its own vetting involving eight federal agencies, six different databases, five separate background checks, four fingerprint and biometric checks, three in-person interviews and two inter-agency checks and a partridge in a pear tree. That takes a lot of time and personnel. A quicker vetting process is needed.

I have developed a quick test to separate those refugees that truly love America from the terrorist bent of our destruction. The test is in the American language. No Spanish, English, French, Arabic or other versions exist. The refugee must score 100% or is forever banned from entering the USA. This test could be given to large groups at one time to speed up the vetting process. Here it is:

1.Do you love The United States of America? Yes or No? [The only acceptable answer is Yes. The test giver must not say, “Do you love America?” because that might include Mexico, Central America, and South America.]

2.Have you ever been a suicide bomber? Yes or No? [The only acceptable answer is no.]

3.The first words to the National Anthem are… Pick one. a. Jose, can you see?  b. Okay, you can pee. c. Oh, say can you see. d. Beautiful for spacious skies. [The only acceptable answer is c.]

4.The best foods to order in a fast food restaurant are… Pick one. a. Tacos and burritos. b. Rice and General Tso’s chicken. c. Gyros and lamb kebabs. d. Hot dogs and apple pie. [The only acceptable answer is d.]

5. If you wanted to buy a car for a car bomb, which would you choose? Pick one.a.Ford Mustang. b. Volkswagen. c. BMW. d. Rolls Royce. [This is a trick question. There’s no right answer. If the subject selects any answer, he is a terrorist. However, a is the second-best answer. Always buy American.]

6.What is your favorite weapon? Pick only one. a. AK47. b. Colt Defender. c. RGP. d.  Improvised Explosive Device (IED). e. Pipe bomb. [The only acceptable answer is b. Always buy American]

7.What is your favorite sport? Pick one. a. Football. b. Throwing Molotov Cocktails. c. Throwing stones at police. d. Running away from police.  [The only acceptable answer is a.]

8.Who is considered the Father of the United States? Pick one. a. Donald Trump. b. Ronald Regan. c. Elvis Presley. d. George Washington. [The only acceptable answer is d.]

9.Which of the following is not a real freedom under the Bill of Rights? Pick one. a. Freedom of Religion. b. Freedom of Speech. c. Freedom to live in Massachusetts and vote in Rhode Island. d. Freedom to Bear Arms. [The only acceptable answer is c.]

10.What is the motto of the USA? Pick one. a. pluribus unum. Latin for “Out of many, one”. b. Sock it to me. American for “sock it to me.” c. Carpe Diem. Latin for “Seize the day”. d. BOLO. American for “Buy one, Get one.”  [The only acceptable answer is a.]

11.If you are mentally ill, what can’t you do in the USA? a. Run for President. b. Figure out how to put together Ikea furniture. c. Buy a gun. d. Drive a car. e. Get Married.  [The only acceptable answer is b.]

Failing this test means the refugee doesn’t love the USA and most likely is a terrorist that should be banned from entering the country.

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